Parents Talk About Race From NurtureShock

Book Club Discussions on Talking About Diversity With Children

Sep 22, 2009

Book club discussion starters help parents find strategies to talk explicitly and frequently with their children about race and diversity using facts from NurtureShock.

Book clubs and discussion groups help parents understand and use the important child development research findings in NurtureShock. Chapter 3, “Why White Parents Don’t Talk About Race,” acknowledges that discussions about race do not come easily for most parents. The research is clear that all parents, but especially white parents must talk early, clearly, factually and frequently about race with their children. The book group discussion starters for NurtureShock’s third chapter ease the difficulty of tackling the important and challenging child development topic of race and diversity.

White Parents Talk in Code About Race

1. Bronson and Merryman’s research review shows white parents often use ambiguous phrases such as “Everyone is equal” or “Under the skin, we’re all the same” when discussing race with youngsters. Bronson and Merryman conclude that white parents talk in code about race and that children don’t understand the code. Reflect on conversations about race with children. Were those conversations ambiguous or specific? How could the conversations be refined?

Children are not Color-blind

2. Common wisdom holds that children do not notice racial differences unless those differences are pointed out. Child development researchers found that the common wisdom is false. Children observe racial differences and form conclusions based on the observations. Without adult guidance the observations can be faulty. How might parents talk about racial differences with children?

Same and Different

3. Developmentally, young children use a single attribute to put people and things into groups. Because differences in race are visible and striking, children observe these differences and form race-based categories. People in the same category or group as the child are the child’s favorite. And the fact is, it is normal to want to be with others who are the same. What guidance can parents give to help children move beyond same group favoritism and explore all the ways people are the same and different?

When to Talk About Race

4. Generally, white American parents begin to talk to children about race during the third grade year. Researchers suggest that discussions about race should begin earlier. Specific cross racial training made a difference in first grade, but no difference at third. What parenting implications come to mind in thinking about when children form conclusions on race?

Words to Talk About Race

5. Bronson recounts an experience with his son, Luke, who attended a diverse school. Luke did not talk about skin color and neither did the parents. “We thought it was working perfectly,” Bronson observes. Then, Luke learned something fascinating in kindergarten. Skin color meant something; it was attached to culture.

Because Luke had not been given vocabulary to talk about race, his first attempts at conversations about skin color were clumsy and a bit embarrassing to his parents. Luke and his white friends tried the phrase, “pinkish-whitish skin” and then settled on “skin like ours.” The authors note that the “ours versus theirs” phrase was troublesome. Does this observation ring true? What are parenting implications? What words can be given to children to talk about race?

Race, Bias and Discrimination

5. In a review of over 500 studies, Dr. Thomas Pettigrew found that interacting with others reduces bias toward the elderly, gays, and those with disabilities. Racial bias in American studies remained constant or increased. In other countries, racial bias was reduced. What are the parenting implications about race, bias and discrimination?

Diverse Schools

6. Dr. James Moody of Duke University found “the more diverse the school, the more the kids self-segregate by race and ethnicity within the school . . . “ How do parents feel when children self-select groups based on racial backgrounds?

Explicit Conversations About Race

7. Bronson and Merryman observe that parents are very skilled in talking to children about gender and gender stereotypes. Researchers say that effective conversations about race have to be explicit and in terms that children understand. How can the success of gender discussions inform the race discussion? What are some phrases to use to talk explicitly and understandably about race with children?

How Parents of Color Talk About Racial Identity

8. Researchers found that parents of color approach racial identity with their children from two broad categories. First, is to prepare children for bias or discrimination they may encounter. The second category is from an ethnic pride perspective. What thoughts come to mind for parenting strategies?

A NurtureShock book club or book group is a powerful way to ponder the important parenting and child development topics presented in the book’s third chapter which focuses on white parents and open discussions about race and diversity.

NurtureShock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman: New Thinking About Parenting and Child Development

The copyright of the article Parents Talk About Race From NurtureShock in Parenting Books is owned by Lynn Brogan. Permission to republish Parents Talk About Race From NurtureShock in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.